Resurrected from the dead...

Well well well...

It has been over four months since my last post (a post which I was meant to follow up on...but failed to). So much has happened in my life... like a Cinderella story, really. Except I did not turn into a beautiful blonde heterosexual girl, and there is still no Prince Charming (yet...) in my life.

However, I must update everyone (my two readers; well, more like one... if I'm not including myself) that I have made a "splash" into the entertainment industry. I guess singing in my room/shower to myself for the last ten years paid off!

Of course with my new level of fame (I.e., I have one fan) I thought I could stop blogging completely, and pretend like I don't need to vent any longer -- as if my life suddenly became perfect. But as days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months, I realized I was becoming more and more lonely... I was away from my friends & family. In an industry where people watch - and critique - your each and every move, the prospect of living a "happy gay life" became more and more unrealistic.

It's ironic, really, I have another blog in which I interact with my "fans". And as I read my own posts and comments on that blog, I feel disgusted inside... I try so hard to sound not-like-me; I guess I'm just scared. Deep down I wish I could be open about being gay from the start... but now one thing has led to another (in regards to contracts, as well as other factors) and I'm just scared that if I come "out" now, everything that I have dreamed of and have been working for would crumble. With that in mind, it is no doubt that I respect artists who are "out" . Undoubtedly, the thought of coming "out" has crossed my mind several times... if I get disowned by the industry, I could always fall back on my degree (or go back and finish my Masters)... But I can't imagine myself working any other job...

I'm just very glad that the three-ish people that know I'm gay, are people that I can trust. I've only been on one date with a guy (see previous post) and I'm glad that we eventually became friends... and thus can keep a secret or two.

I was hesitant about blogging again, because it's actually pretty risky... I guess I need to choose very carefully what I talk about. Obviously, if I reveal too much someone can simply Wikipedia and join-the-dots; it ain't hard... Hopefully most of the readers will think I'm some delusional, miserable, crazy person and not believe a thing I say -- that wouldn't be too bad, really.

Although I must say, it feels nice to be able to be myself once in awhile, even if it's at a computer.

One last thing... it doesn't help my sexual frustration by being around cute guys (almost 24/7) and having to pretend to be a heterosexual. Yes, that girl over there, she's very hot. Groan.