It is time to care...of our skin!

There are so many things that are out of our control.

I can make precise plans regarding how I would like my day to go. But by the end of the day, I could have done NOTHING of what was originally planned and this would seriously annoy me.

Did I go for my run at 7:30am? - No.
Did I read 30 pages of Novel A? - No.
Did I clean the fridge out? - No.
Did I meet up with friend 01? - No.

E.t.c.

It can get extremely frustrating.

Normally, however, I usually accomplish everything I originally set out to do. But some times I procrastinate.

One thing that always makes me get to sleep -- without any sense of guilt -- is knowing that I took care of my skin. I know that straight guys (generally speaking) are sooooo afraid of letting other people know that they take care of their skin. Is it really that shameful? To me, a healthy, clear skin means that you take care of yourself -- or, your genes are amazing.

Okay I must admit up until a few years ago I didn't really take care of my skin. I didn't think I really needed to. I could just wash my face with water and that will be it. Now (early 20's), I feel that I need to properly wash my face, use toner, and moisturize. You only get one skin... per se'

It's funny, I am very adamant about taking good care of our skin; yet, when people ask me what I use (to cleanse e.t.c), I just say I use water. I guess I'm afraid that if I tell them that I use a cucumber scrub every few days or a strawberry mask it'll scream out "GAY!" -- I blame the media for this.

I'm not "out", I'm sort of afraid of coming "out", I'm worried that everything that I've worked so hard for would gradually disappear. I know that I need to come "out" eventually...

It's silly really. I mean, I'm worried that:

1. My friends would love me less; but if they are truly my friends then their love for me wouldn't change.
   
2. My parents would love me less. But a parent's love is meant to be unconditional. Is it really my fault that I was born this way? Do you think that you did this to me? Is this [being gay] even something to be ashamed of? I think not.
   

I know that my best friends and family will be supportive. But there is always that space in the corner of my mind that says to me "what if...".

What if they disown me? What if my friends never talk to me again? What if I lose everything?

It's this fear that holds me back. It is this fear that will stop me from growing as a man. But I will overcome this fear soon. Real soon.

Which brings me back to what I was blabbering about earlier... I feel that taking care of my skin (morning and nightly routine or whatever) is one thing I have control over. And it's a feeling that's so empowering.

There's so much poverty, hatred, jealousy, backstabbing, and gossip going around in the world which directly and indirectly affects me... and I'm so glad I have the luxury to be able to smother on a nice cucumber facial mask and just relax; even if only for 15minutes.