It is time to care about...your straight friend!

I am the type person who tries really hard at anything and everything. Even if the task looks unachievable, I’ll give it a shot. This attribute has proven to work for me – rather than against me – so far in life.

I don’t know what it is about straight athletic guys that interest me so much. I’d try my hardest to get them to like me. In the past, I’d learn to play sports that I hated (why don’t they want to watch Grey’s Anatomy with me, in my bed, underneath a nice cozy blanket); I’d go to parties with them, just to “fit in” (I hate parties – too many fake people); I’d smoke (I’ve stopped now, lung cancer? no thanks ; I am no longer cool); I took drugs (key word: took). By doing the things I’ve mentioned above (and many more that is unlisted), I have gained their respect and their friendship.

It is also very hard for me to control myself because most (except one or two, sorry K and T) of my straight friends are 7’s and over. It’s so unfair. If I was a girl, and they were still my friends, I’d bang all of them in a heartbeat. No regrets.

Sometimes I lay in bed at night thinking how sad it is that they don’t really know me. They think I’m single because I’m holding out for the “right chick”. I want to tell them that I’m single because I’m in love with them. But the feelings aren’t mutual. They love me in the “bro-mance” sense. I love them in a “poke me please” sense.

I’m very secretive about being gay; but when I do decide to come “out” I want it to be like My Sweet Sixteen Party. I’m still young anyway, I know I have to come “out” to my friends eventually, I just don’t want to be thinking about that just yet; maybe next year.

So, after the last lecture my friend Will-Always-Be-Straight-Handsome-Hunk asks me what I’m going to be doing this weekend. I tell him that I’ll be:

1. Working out. I assure him that I need to be in tip-top shape to please the honeys. (Truth is I won't be working out this weekend; unless you consider binge-eating "working out". Actually, I'm sure a mouth workout counts for something...)
2. Not studying. Let's face it, only nerds study. I mean, who wants good grades and a good job; especially in this economy...
3. Breaking a girl's heart. There’s this girl that likes me, and she thinks I like her. I think she's a skank; a total whore. Deep down I’m actually jealous of her: she sleeps with all the guys that I secretly hope would sleep with me. Sigh.

Will-Always-Be-Straight-Handsome-Hunk asks me if I can drop him off home (because it’s raining). Of course I say yes; I’m such a good friend and a good human being. Secretly I pray that this kind gesture will make him gay. Maybe before getting out of my car he’ll give me a kiss. Hey, you can’t blame a guy for praying.

As I’m reversing out of the student car park area Will-Always-Be-Straight-Handsome-Hunk hits the “play” button (car CD player). So the intro of the song starts and I think to myself “hey this sounds familiar… oh shit! I forgot to change CD’s!” Then the singing starts…

Red One.
Konvict.
Ga Ga.
Wo-ah.
I've had a little bit too much....

[Lyrics to the intro of Just Dance..]

I think to myself “Shit, it’s over, my whole facade has crumbled; he knows I’m gay. Come on, no 'straight guy' listens to Lady Gaga…”

Then something weird happened… he was singing along.

He…knew…the…words…to…the…song.

I think I love him. For real! I think I smiled throughout the whole song and when the song ended,I asked him (in a joking but dead serious tone) if he wants to go to the Pussy Cat Dolls and Lady Gaga concert with me.

“Nah man, that’s gay!”

Fuck him.

Heartbreaker.

Jerk.